What Language Barriers Really Feel Like in International Relationships

I would say one of the most reflective parts of living overseas is the development of international relationships across cultures. Today, I want to share a bit of my experience.

Your Language Skills Will Improve Dramatically–Only If You Work Hard

When it comes to international relationships, the language barrier is often the first thing people think of.
In my case, although I have developed enough English to live in Australia, I still struggled to convey my feelings and thoughts–especially in romantic relationships.

What I had learned from textbooks was barely useful.

I was sometimes so frustrated that I couldn’t find the words I needed. When that happened,I probably looked completely lost, like a toddler trying very hard to speak.

My ex-partner, an Aussie guy, loved it.
“You look so cute. Like a little girl.”

At the beginning of the relationship, I didn’t mind. Everything felt new. I was in the middle of something I had never experienced before–falling in love with a man from another country. But as time went on, and that magic slowly faded, that line started bothering me.

“Wait, who in their 30’s is happy to be told that they look like a little girl?”

Strangely enough, that moment became one of my biggest motivations. So what did I do?

One-person play. I created situations likely to occur in relationships and imagined what my partner and I might say in those conversations. I must have looked crazy and funny, but it worked!

I remember that one day, I said back to him very fluently with perfect word choice–he had no comeback.

So, I would say that international relationships definitely contribute to language improvement only if you work hard to learn new words, phrases, and grammar.

To avoid misunderstandings, I, of course, never see my partners from other countries for personal language development. Love first, language skills were just an outgrowth.

Also, the more I learned my partner’s language, the more I came to understand his culture. My first language is Japanese, and compared to English, the definitions of words are sometimes very different. Language reflects its culture so much.

When it comes to cross-cultural relationships, word-for-word translation is not enough.

You Can See Other Worlds Through Other Eyes

It is not unique to international relationships, but you can also experience different perspectives in friendships, work relationships, and other cross-cultural relationships.

What impressed me most was how they delivered their opinions not only about a relationship with me but also about matters in general. I guess it is, of course, dependent on a person’s character, but to me, as someone from Japan, known for being quiet and having “less of my own opinion”, their ability to deliver their own opinion was so eye-opening, and I really loved it. It’s very clear, and the respect for their opinions and feelings was very authentic to me.

Culture, or the environment you grew up in, affects you so much. That’s what I felt the most, and I feel like seeing things through other lenses and respecting them is so crucial.

I had a couple of relationships during the 7 years living in Australia. An Australian man, an Israeli man, and a German man.

I did not make assumptions about each of them based on nationality at the beginning. I knew making assumptions was just useless because I am the one who always says, “ You are not typical Japanese!”
But when I look back, most well-known assumptions about nationality, whether serious or joking, are not far from wrong.

These were the assumptions I had–from media, stereotypes, and some I didn’t even realise I was carrying. And like most assumptions, they were only partially true. Remember, it is a Japanese person’s opinions/assumptions based on experience.

[Australian]
Very relaxed→Though it’s not true for everyone, especially in big cities, people in Australia were super relaxed compared to people in other big cities.

Always friendly→True, and it reflects regional differences. Residents in rural areas near Byron Bay, once known as a hippie sanctuary, were extremely friendly!

“No worries” attitude about everything→That’s so true as long as you are not rude. No worries’ sounded like a lifestyle. In reality, it was more like a polite way of postponing the worry.

[Israeli]
Very direct→”I meant to have a conversation, but it felt like a debate.” I used to say this to my ex-partner, maybe at least twice a week.

Strong opinions→ “I expect honesty,but not that serious honesty.”

Confident→Admirable level! I have been a very confident person since I was a kid compared to others in Japan, but my ex and his family were far beyond my level of confidence. But they were not overly confident. They seemed confident, but I think it was more about being used to expressing themselves without hesitation.

[German]
Serious→Yes, it was true to me. Just a few months after we became a couple, he was talking about marriage. Well, it’s common in an international relationship, where either person or both may have a time limit on being in the country.

Punctual→I would say this is also true. He called me exactly at 8PM every night, even when he was in Germany. (Call from Germany to Australia)

Not very expressive emotionally→ Not in my ex’s case. I could easily see all kinds of emotion on his face. But his friend, yes. I reckon it depends on the dynamics between people.

Since I’ve been discussing national stereotypes, I’ll end by touching on a few things about myself as a Japanese person.

[Japanese]
polite→Japanese society is very careful with wording. I think this is one of its strengths–it maintains harmony with others.

indirect communication→Not saying things directly. It comes from being considerate, but sometimes drives me crazy. “I know you are trying to be polite, but can you just tell me what you really think?” situations sometimes happen to me.

Reserved→Not showing strong emotions openly. That’s probably true for many Japanese people.

…Just not me.:)

Looking back, the differences I felt weren’t about individuals, but about cultures behind them–the history, the way people communicate, and what they’re taught to value. Quietly, those things shape how we relate to each other.

Lastly, language itself wasn’t the hardest part. It was everything underneath it–assumptions, tone, meaning behind the words.

And the more I tried to understand the language, the more I realised I was trying to understand something much deeper. Because in the end, it wasn’t just about words, but about the culture behind them.

And that was where things became even more interesting.