It’s Not About How I Look. It’s About How I Feel

Many people say that as they get older, their lives become easier. I am no exception. As we go through life, we accumulate more experience and knowledge, which makes it easier to handle whatever comes our way.

​One of the most impactful lessons I gained was realising that the most useful mentality is to prioritise how I feel about myself rather than how I look to others. This mindset shift marked a turning point for me.

All About Is “How I Look To Others” In My Youth

When you walk on the streets, especially in big cities like Tokyo and Osaka, you will find beautifully dressed people. Not only dress, but silky, beautiful, long hair, perfect makeup, long nails decorated like art, and finish up with luxury brand bags.

​It is very fun to see them, as I love fashion and think Japanese interest in fashion is very high. Also, my academic background is in fashion design, so I love observing which trends are popular among the younger generation at the time.

​This passion for fashion defined my youth, especially before I moved to Australia. By the late 90s, after graduating with a fashion design degree, the Japanese fashion scene was booming, with diverse styles like GothLoli, Mode, and Punk creating a unique “golden era.”

​I tried every fashion technique I could think of. Sewing two printed shirts together to make it into an avant- garde skirt, ripped black tights on vivid pink and black stripy tights, ripped one sleeve off, and so on… It was a fun period, except for my mom’s complaint: “Don’t go out in those! You look homeless.”

​I was a young woman who made fashion her main identity. I didn’t care about others’ opinions or the impression I gave, because expressing myself felt truly alive.

​Not only fashion. I was a kid with strong opinions and no hesitation about sharing them with people, even with my parents or teachers at school.  I was raised by parents who had a very Showa-era mindset–not standing out, and not deviating from those around them. So I need to put in a tremendous amount of effort to pursue what I want to do. It was an uphill battle to convey to them how I think and feel. I did not want to give up on myself.

I didn’t care how I looked to others. My own self-expression mattered more—and I want to give that young girl a pat on the back. Yes, I knew how I felt was most important.

Conformity Creeps In

I started working at a company after graduating from university. When I look back, it’s around the time my mind and behaviours had started changing.

​Gradually, I realised that adopting a more standard appearance and behaviour made it easier to navigate a society where appearances are often prioritised above all else.

​One of the Japanese traits, avoiding standing out, stems from peer pressure. This sneaky pressure swallowed me up under my consciousness. I started wearing an office look–shirts, a tight midi skirt, and high heels–the looks I had thought I would never be in when I was younger, without doubt.

​I stopped insisting on myself in both fashion and inner voice. It was much easier to deal with Japanese society.

I learnt how to sail, avoiding rough waves… naturally.

“How I Look To Others” Mentality Triggers Low  Self-Worth

People make assumptions about you at first glance. I understand that the first impression you give to others is crucial in communications. But the attachment to this mentality kills your identity if it goes too far. You thought you were sailing smoothly, but when you realise you are just drowning in big waves of peer pressure.

Not only in Japan, but everywhere else, culture has peer pressure. But the degree of it in Japanese culture is stronger than the others I have witnessed.

One day, I was on a train commuting to the office, and I realised there were a bunch of ladies who looked like my copy robots. We all looked similar. In almost the same fashion, with a similar hairstyle and hair colour that look neat and very office-appropriate, but I felt that my identity was completely left out.

I can clearly remember how suddenly and strongly I felt heavy, trying to put myself together at that moment.

​It was about my looks—what to wear and how to appeal—yet, as someone who valued self-expression, this was difficult to accept.

My identity totally collapsed.

I looked back on my year, it was not only fashion, but also my attitudes and behaviour towards the outside that were not genuine to myself. I just modified them to sail smoothly in the Japanese society…

Awareness And Realisation

This effort to fit in came at a cost—I gradually lost sight of my own preferences and self-worth, as my focus shifted outward and I stopped listening to myself.

​In the end, I was always looking for something to content myself. Yes, it was mentally not healthy at all. No wonder I had felt less motivation and passion for my life!

​Realisation comes first, then right action follows. It is all about. But I did not know what would help me rebuild my self-worth, or how to do it.　

That time I was into self-studying English. That was the only time I could feel myself. This desire drove me to test my self-taught English skills and see how far they could take me, sparking the idea of moving abroad.

I can say it was the best decision that I ever made in my life. This move ultimately taught me how essential it is to prioritise “how I feel” over “how I look to others.”

Feeling The Aussie Vibes Was An Eye-Opening Experience

Australia has such an abundance of nature. Australians are laid back and friendly. To me, everything felt new. As I mentioned, I grew up with a passion for fashion, and the Australians’ trends and how they dress were so refreshing to me. The Japanese and Australian fashion was totally different. Not only climate, but lifestyle has its own priority.

​Here, I realised significant differences in fashion between the two countries.

Japan

• Putting trends first
• Figure-flattering styles are a must
• The pressure to conform to a cookie-cutter look

Australia

• Relaxed
• Minimal
• practical

When you see these bullet points, it looks like Australians don’t care about fashion much, but that’s definitely no, no, no. They wear much simpler designs, fewer fabrics, and fewer decorations, yet they all look so confident and relaxed.

​Simply put, I felt like I was being dressed by clothes, while Australians made their clothes feel like part of who they were.

​Learning more about Australian culture, I saw how environment and national character influence mindset, shaping not just fashion choices but entire lifestyles.

​To me, Aussie vibes were so fit. I felt like I could take a breath. It was just like coming out of a choppy ocean into a calm one.

​They know how to enjoy the moment fully, cultivate genuine relationships with others, and, more over, prioritise how they feel rather than how they look.

​Altogether, this was the most significant learning experience I had in Australia. Australia taught me how to sail smoothly in real life.

Currently…

​Now I feel that “how I feel” is much more important than “how I look”.

Through learning in Australia and getting older, I have become more quality- and detail-oriented, and I feel more of myself without insisting on my strong opinions or loud fashion.

​It is the feeling of taking a super heavy burden off my shoulders.

​“Ahhhhh. Feeling so good…” 😉