The Age Trap in Japan: Where Everyone Knows Exactly How Old You Are… And Reminds You Constantly”

“Age is just a number” 
It was the phrase that made my eyes open when someone non-Japanese told me. I loved this phrase, and it is still shining in my heart. In Japan, each age group has its own “regulation,” and many Japanese are trapped by it.

Age In The West vs Japan: ‘Just a Number’ Meets ‘What’s Your Exact Birth Year?

The example of cases I have experienced:

CV: 
Most of you have created your CV. What comes on top? Your name, address, and contact details such as email address and phone number. Those items are essential in a Japanese CV as well, except birthdays with year and age…

When you meet new people:
No one, non-Japanese, asked me my age directly for the first meeting. Japanese people? Name, age, and what to do for a living is the order.

Someone else’s family:
A: It’s been a while, how are you? 

B: Nice to meet you again. You look great! I am doing well.

A: Come to think of it, you have a daughter, don’t you? How old is she?

B: She is 30.

A: Married?

B: Not yet.

A: Oh…(awkward silence)

As long as you live in Japan, you never feel that age is just a number. Age is the number you must follow.

How Japanese Categorize Age Group (+ my experience)

Here are funny facts: the typical attitude you must follow depends on age after age 20. All strong beliefs about age may be shared in developed countries, though to varying degrees. However, the Japanese one is much clearer.

 In Your 20s

In the 1980s, the average age for marriage was 27 for men and 25 for women. Following marriage, having the first baby at the age of 26, the second baby at the age of 28, and the third baby at the age of 30. It was the typical ideal life track. In the 2000s, it rose, and the average age at marriage increased to 30 for men and 29 for women. Although the stereotypical mind still exists. 

I started my new life in Australia when I was 26. Before leaving Japan, all my friends were surprised and said, “Are you really leaving? What about marriage? Will you be single your entire life?” Funny enough, I did not have a boyfriend back then. How would I marry?  Being single still wasn’t very common after the mid-20s back in 2006. If that happened now, it would be harassment, but back then, it was normal to think about marriage and conduct to follow the stereotypical mind.

In Japan, your twenties are supposed to be the “finish line for marriage,” but I treated them as “boarding gate for a one-way flight to Australia.”

 In Your 30s

Promising career, great family, and enjoying family holidays. It could be a worldwide ideal shape. Nowadays, there are no days when you don’t see posts on SNS, showing off a great piece of life as if to say, “We are an ordinary family.” But realistically, many people struggle in relationships, financially, and career-wise. In Japan, if you show your struggles, it will win others’ sympathy but not much help. You become a great source of comfort for others, because hey, at least you don’t have everything in your 30s!

In your thirties here, you’re either posting your perfect family on Instagram… or quietly becoming everyone else’s favorite “See, life is hard for her too” example.

 In Your 40s

The 40s are a very delicate age for all humans due to bodily changes. I, as a 45-year-old woman, totally agree with that. I can feel my metabolism and body condition have changed around the age of 44. What I have seen in Japan, which is very funny, is that people suddenly become “old” at 40. “I can not do this because I am 40 years old now”,  “You shouldn’t say that because you already are in your 40s”, and “Behave just like everyone else because you’re 40 now.”…

At 40 in Japan, your body whispers “Please rest,” society whispers “Please behave,” and your heart still whispers, “Let’s do something slightly stupid.”

In Your 50s

You have created a promising career, a great supportive family, and a lot of money for not worrying about after retirement. Now you are 50, the following is mandatory: having a great hobby that you can enjoy for the rest of your life. Photography, birdwatching, biking, hiking, gardening, and some instruments and painting are preferable, and you can easily find communities to join. (These hobbies are just my impression.) It is necessary to have something you can be into. It will give you passion and curiosity to live the second half of your life.

In your fifties in Japan, a hobby isn’t just “for fun” anymore — it’s your rehearsal for retirement, your second career, and your official excuse for ignoring boring social events.

In Your 60s

I didn’t have a clear image of the 60s, so I googled it.

Here are the lists I created after reviewing some articles and data.

• Find Ikigai and self-actualisation through hobbies and traditional arts, such as the tea ceremony or calligraphy.
• Commit yourself to social activities, such as volunteering.
• Don’t work too hard, but work.
• Do not compare your life to others.

Well, the Japanese perspective on your sixties sounds like this: be fulfilled, be useful, keep working (but not too much), stop competing with others—and quietly evolve into a well-maintained national treasure.

 How to gratefully age in Japan (conclusion)

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: in Japan, age is never “just a number,” but we can choose how tightly we let it wrap around our neck. The system will always try to put you in a neat box – 20s must be sparkling, 30s must be stable, 40s must be sensible, 50s must be hobby-rich, 60s must be wise and serene. But real life is messier and much more interesting: you can be a confused 45-year-old beginner, a single-but-happy 38-year-old, or a 60-year-old rock band drummer who has never touched a tea ceremony set.

I will keep shouting out, “Age is just a number”!

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